


War upon my soul

by Ikajo



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Bruce Banner Is a Good Bro, Canon What Canon, Delirium, Explicit Sexual Content, Falling In Love, Hurt Loki (Marvel), Hurt/Comfort, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mutual Pining, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Not Canon Compliant, Plot is secret, Protective Steve Rogers, Self-Harm, Stony - Freeform, The Avengers Are Good Bros, Thor is not a good brother, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Is Not Helping, Tony Stark Is a Good Bro, but he tries, gammafrost - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-12 14:54:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29886246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ikajo/pseuds/Ikajo
Summary: They all leave Sakaar unscathed. Or so they believe. The truth about Loki's three weeks in the Grandmaster's grace turns out to have a dark twist. Bruce finds that he is the only one who can help his former enemy as the Trickster starts falling apart.Back on Earth Tony's life is in shambles. Alone and without any support he is faced with handling the sudden appearance of alien refugees. All while he pines after a man he by all rights should hate.
Relationships: Bruce Banner/Loki, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 35
Kudos: 76





	1. Prelude

The ruler of Sakaar is one of the elder of the universe. He cares for little beyond his own entertainment and views others as his plaything. When a pretty little thing fell into his figurative lap he decided he wanted it. Only, the pretty thing was quite skilled at evasions. Skillfully avoiding to be alone with the Grandmaster and never promising anything. A fun little game but he had never been a patient man. So, he decided to play a game of his own. Carefully and with more patience than usual. Only, when the time came to claim his pretty thing it had already made its way off Sakaar.

Oh well. It would regret it soon enough anyway. 

* * *

Life on board the Statement was fairly quiet. The people was too traumatised by the recent event to truly cause any trouble. Bruce, after he had de-Hulked, looked over any scrapes and wounds he saw. Even if he could do very little. Most of the time he had no choice but leave it be, trusting Asgardian healing instead. Thor was naturally quite busy trying to find his feet as king while encouraging his displaced people.

To be honest, the one who the doctor assumed would cause trouble was Loki. Which was a fair assumption. Instead the Trickster was quiet, kept out of the way and tried to teach his brother the art of ruling. And not being totally awful at it.

What really got to Bruce about the Raven was how the other Asgardians treated him. There was nothing obvious and different groups had clearly different opinions about their wayward prince. But in general, they all treated him coldly. For all that he had saved them and then risked his life, stopping Hela from possibly conquering the galaxy. He was for obvious reasons used to his brother's temper and handled it well. 

"Is it just me or does everyone has issues with Loki", he tried asking the one called Heimdall. Apparently he could see everything in the whole universe if he choose.

"Loki has always been a complicated person", the huge man said. "His actions over the years have been questionable at best, treasonous at worst. It was only during his time impersonating the king that I began to truly see what haunts him."

"Wait, impersonating? He pretended to be someone else?!"

"He took the form of his father and ruled in his visage. It was a good disguise. Even I was fooled at first. As king, he wasn't horrible."

"Okay... so, is that why everyone has issues with him? I mean, I get it but still..."

"The reason is both simple and complicated, Doctor Banner", Heimdall said and turned his gaze to the dark prince. "Loki is not Aesir. He was born on Jotunheim and is by blood Jotun. The ancient enemy of Asgard. He was adopted by Odin as an infant but never knew the truth of his origin until a year before he appeared on your world."

Bruce felt his jaw slacken. He knew about the whole adopted thing but Thor and Loki was not even the same species. And for the Trickster to be born as Asgard's memories? While not knowing for most of his life? No wonder he was so messed up. He didn't really pay attention so he missed when the god of mischief turned to look at him. Even if he had seen it he would likely have assumed the Raven was just keeping an eye on him because of Hulk.

So he was very surprised when Loki decided to enter his room late one evening. 

He had been ready for bed when the door suddenly opened. Bruce had assumed it would be Thor and was startled when the Trickster waltzed in instead. Looking around the small room with disinterest.

"Can I help you?" The doctor felt rather exposed with his shirt in his hand.

"This is quite a disgrace", the god muttered. "One of Asgard's saviours and you live in squalor. Least Thor could have done was give you a decent room."

"I'm just one person, this is enough for me. What do you want?"

"Easy, doctor Banner. Your beast would not fit in here. Tell me, do you have anyone waiting for you on Midgard? A lover perhaps?"

Natasha flashed in his mind but he shook his head. "No. Not anymore."

"None? My, and here I would assume that an Avenger would have no problem finding someone to share their bed."

"Well, that's not really an option for me anyway."

"Oh? And why is that?"

Why was he talking to _Loki_ about all of this of all people? Seriously, why? But... when was the last time anyone had been interested in _him_? In Bruce? Everyone just wanted Hulk. Yet the Trickster most definitely didn't want the big guy. Besides, what was the harm?

"Hulk emerges based on my heartbeat. Anything that increases my heartbeat can cause a Hulk out. Injury, terror, anger and sexual arousal. Even extreme anxiety can cause me to lose control. I used to have better control but now... I don't know. Hulk for two years and I remember nothing of it."

Loki hummed, seemingly intrigued. "Involuntary transformation", he muttered. "Split personality or extreme version of shape dictates mind? Likely the latter." He flashed Bruce a smile. "Well, you have given me a few things to think about, doctor Banner. Sweet dreams."

"Why does that sound like a curse rather than a well wishing..."

The Trickster cackled loudly as he left. What in the world had just happened?


	2. Catalyst

Bruce didn't really think of the strange encounter with Loki. There were plenty of other things to do after all. Most of them had to do with Thor being king. The Thunderer was a good guy but he wasn't the best leader. He and Valkyrie had been arguing about something, then...

"You sound like my brother", the god of thunder growled and crossed his arms.

"Then maybe Lackey has more brain to him than I thought", she hissed. "He would have to, considering how well he avoided the Grandmaster."

The argument had then continued without any real resolution. After a while the doctor had enough and decided to head to his room. That wasn't empty. Blinking Bruce had to accept that the god of mischief was once again intruding. Standing easily by the bed the Trickster looked up as the door closed.

"Ah, excellent!" Loki said. Did he look kind of flushed? "I was starting to think you had moved."

"No... this is still my room..."

"Closet more like it. Either way..." quicker than a viper had the Trickster grabbed Bruce's hand and placed something around his wrist. Alarmed the scientist started clawing at it but it wouldn't budge. 

"What is this? What did you do?"

"You should thank me, Doctor Banner", the arrogant prick said. "Now you don't have to worry about losing control. You can still transform but it will be by choice."

Pausing the human looked down on his wrist. It was a bracelet made of leather. What looked like runes had been burned into it. Carefully he tested to pull on it. He could move it slightly but he couldn't take it off.

"How do I know you are telling the truth?" He demanded and crossed his arms. Unfortunately he was much, much shorter than the god so he wasn't exactly intimidating. 

"How about you find out?" There was a strange... light in those green eyes and the Trickster was definitely flushed. Loki knocked Bruce down on the bed. Fearing he might be in for a beating he steeled himself. Instead he was... being undressed? The god had straddled him and was attempting to unbutton the shirt. But he seemed to be getting impatient and just ripped it open instead.

"Hey!"

"I made that shirt, I can make a new one." Somehow the Raven magicked away his own clothes as he got rid of Bruce's. 

"You made these clothes?"

"Who else could possibly conjure them?" The god was muttering, attention elsewhere. Pale hands touched the doctor's skin lightly, moving them. It wasn't until Loki closed his fist around the humans member that Bruce realised what was going on. What the Trickster was intending.

He didn't want to react but it had been well over ten years since anyone touched him like that. Since he was able to experience arousal. Even if it was with Loki, it got to him. Lost in the pleasure he didn't realise at first that his clothes had disappeared completely. And he wasn't prepared for the god to literally have sex with him.

Letting out a curse the doctor watched in a daze of arousal, fascination and a bit of horror as his member was swallowed by a tight heat. And suddenly he didn't have any issues with it being Loki. None. He felt starved and was now given something to eat. The god moaned obscenely and rolled his hips. It felt good. Bruce knew that normally there would have been more steps involved but he didn't question it. Not that he could think anyway. This was sex. For the first time in over _ten years_ and he didn't care that it was with the god of mischief. He didn't care it was with another man. All that wasn't important anymore.

Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, he didn't last long. Neither did the Trickster. Who waved his hand and both were clean and dressed in a second. Bruce almost thought that Loki was unaffected but the god actually wobbled at he left.

Maybe he should have felt more guilty for sleeping with someone who was technically an enemy. Or for sleeping with Thor's brother. But he couldn't muster the emotion. For whatever reason he know had a way to control his Hulk-outs _and_ he didn't have to be celibate anymore. 

* * *

Being king was hard. Way too hard. Thor felt like he was walking around with a mountain on his shoulders. It didn't help that there were no remnants of Asgard's legal documents and most who had survived were not part of the court. There was the option of asking Loki but he wanted to avoid relying too much on his brother.

Walking through the corridors of the ship with Banner the Thunderer noticed a leather bracelet on the humans arm. With a very familiar design. 

"Did my brother put that on you?" He asked, the doctor seemed confused for a moment and then nodded.

"Uh, yeah. The other day."

"Mischievous as always. I will tell him to take it off."

"You don't have to do that, it is fine..."

"Banner, Loki never does anything unless it will benefit himself. Whatever the purpose of the bracelet you are better off without it."

"No!" Thor startled as his friend clutched the leather band to his chest. Blushing the man cleared his throat. "It... it... allows me to control the Hulk. Avoid losing control."

Ah. Well, that explained a few things certainly. And was very much in character for the Trickster who would have ample reason for wanting to avoid Hulk emerging.

"You majesty!" A young man was running towards them. "It is prince Loki! He... he is..." seemingly lost for words the youth had an alarmed expression. That was all the Thunderer needed to know.

"Where is he?"

"The dining hall..."

Thor marched away, followed by Banner who did his best to keep up. What he had expected was a fight or his brother terrorising everyone. Instead he was... acting weird.

Loki was sweating profusely. A strange, manic grin on his face and he flourished his arms as if he was on stage. He was also speaking.

"That I myself have done unto myself?" He said and clenched his fists. "O, no! alas, I rather hate myself for hateful deeds committed by myself!"

"What the..." Thor watched his brother climb up on one of the tables, seemingly unaware of the people around him.

"I am a villain: yet I lie. I am not. Fool, of thyself speak well: fool, do not flatter."

"Loki! Cease this!" There was no reaction. Nothing. "Loki, stop spouting this nonsense!"

"It is Shakespeare", Banner said, sounding both surprised and concerned. 

"It is what?" The Thunderer demanded. 

"William Shakespeare. I think this is from Richard the Third. Thor, I don't think Loki is..." the doctor was interrupted by the Trickster's monologing.

"My conscience hath a thousand several tongues, and every tongue brings in a several tale, and every tale condemns me for a villain." Breathing harshly the god of mischief swayed and stumbled. Nearly falling off the table as he came down. Then, the moment his foot touched the floor, he collapsed.

"...well."

"Loki!" Diving forward the god of thunder carefully shook his brother. Who was panting while covered in a shine of sweat. Looking unnaturally pale, even for him. He was unconscious. Kneeling by the Trickster's side Bruce touched his forehead carefully. 

"I'm not sure what temperature he should be but... it seems like he has a fever."

A fever. A fever! Thor remembered his childhood when Loki would sometimes collapse of fever. Their mother would always fret, saying that fevers were dangerous to the Raven. That they could kill him. Scooping up his brother he ran to their makeshift infirmary. The few healers remaining did a quick Delving of him and then shook their heads.

"This is beyond our skills, my king", the head healer said. "We can't even tell what is wrong, just that something is."

A groan drew their attention. Blinking awake the Trickster attempted to sit up only to fail. 

"Thor?"

"I'm here, brother?"

"Please take Mjolnir off my chest, it hurts to breath..." the green eyes were unfocused and didn't look at the Thunderer. Thor turned to the healers.

"What is our best bet?"

"Going to Xandar", one healer said. "Their technology is advanced enough to do what our seidr alone can't."

"Xandar it is then. Hold on, brother."

* * *

Bruce had not followed the brothers. He was concerned. Not so much for Loki's physical well-being, even though that seemed to be an issue currently. No, he was more concerned about the god's mental health. Because the monologue he had quoted was about self-hatred and a feeling of abandonment. Yes, the Trickster had done really bad things. But for him to see himself as a villain... that was a concern.

Unfortunately, it was unlikely that Loki would open up to Bruce or anyone else any time soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Loki's little monologue is from Richard III by William Shakespeare


	3. Scorched Earth

They had changed course, heading for this other planet. Bruce didn't mind all that much. It wasn't like Earth was waiting eagerly for his return. Even so, he struggled to sleep. Tossing and turning. Flashes of his time as the Hulk seeping through and the lack of sunlight was getting to him. Giving up he threw off his covers and put on some clothes. Wandering the quiet corridors he marvelled at the infinite universe he was looking at outside. Maybe there were other humans who had seen it but they couldn't be many. 

He nearly walked passed the huddled figure but a noise drew his attention. The scientist blinked in surprise. Sitting on the floor, clutching the window, were Loki. He was dressed in thin linens and was visibly shivering. Still sweaty. His green eyes were wide and he stared out at nothing. The way he sat made it look like he had fallen and couldn't get back up on his feet. It was a surprisingly vulnerable picture for the proud god.

"Hey", Bruce said and squatted in from of the Trickster, careful to not come too close. "What are you doing here?"

"Thor snores..." Loki mumbled, not meeting his eyes.

"He is loud, huh? Yeah, I remember that. It would sometimes shake the whole Tower until Tony installed sound absorbers."

"Hot..." the clothes the Trickster wore were visibly damp. Which wasn't surprising considering how much he was sweating. "Too hot..."

"I hear you but we better get you to bed anyway, you are not well right now."

"Thor snores..."

"Er..." Well, they did share a room didn't they. The healers hadn't wanted their prince in the infirmary despite him being so sick. He was the whole reason they had changed their route in the first place. Apparently this Xandar was in the opposite direction to Earth. In the end Bruce managed to get Loki to his feet and took the sick god to his own small room. Letting the Trickster use his bed. He hesitated for a moment but decided that they had already seen each other naked. Wiping the sweat away with a wet towel wasn't more intimate than what they had already done.

Using cold water he washed Loki's body. Then he took a clean towel that he drenched in cold water before placing it on the pale brow. The Raven visibly relaxed with the coldness. Seemingly more comfortable like that. So, the doctor didn't dress him again and only used a thin blanket to cover the thin body. Turning off the light he curled into a ball on the floor. Covered by the rest of the blankets. It wasn't the most comfortable he had been but it wasn't the worst either.

He did cause Thor to panic the next morning though when the Thunderer couldn't find his brother.

* * *

By the time they reached Xandar Loki had regained some of his strength and wasn't as prone to spacing out. Much to Thor's relief. His brother was still feverish though, and he needed help to walk. He was handed over into the care of the Nova corps healers. In the meantime the Nova Prime invited them to relax. Banner looked around with a gaping mouth and seemed awed. A contrast to Valkyrie who was mostly bored.

"You are very lucky", Xandar's leader said. "Just a few days ago we were facing off against Thanos' forces. He very nearly won if it wasn't for Captain Marvel." The last part was combined with a gesture towards a blonde woman dressed in a uniform with red, blue and yellow on it.

"Who... who is Thanos?" The human fidgeted, he had been a bit nervous since Thor had lashed out after he had hid Loki in his room. Despite good intentions Banner really should have returned the Trickster to the Thunderer. And definitely not have left him undressed. Unfortunately, the god of thunder didn't know the answer to this one.

"The Mad Titan", Nova Prime said. "He used to attack planets and kill half the population under the delusion that he was saving them. I'm surprised Asgard hasn't heard of him."

* * *

Leaving Thor to talk with the stately woman Bruce studied the blonde curiously. She noticed and gave him a smile before heading over.

"Hi", she said. "You look like you feel out of place."

"I kind of am. Bruce Banner."

"Carol Danvers. Where are you heading after this?"

"We are going to Earth... your name sounds kind of American."

"I was born in the US", Danvers chuckled a little at his astonished expression. "It is a long story. How's Fury?"

"You know Fury?"

"We have worked together before. So, why are you here if you are going to Earth?"

"Thor's brother is sick and we don't know why."

Carol nodded in understanding and then remained quiet. Watching everything in the room without showing any of her thoughts on her face. A man ran up the the leader.

"Nova Prime", he greeted and then spoke to her softly. Keeping a carefully blank face she turned to Thor.

"You are sure you haven't heard of Thanos before?"

"Completely", the Thunderer said and crossed his arms. "Why?"

"When the Mad Titan was defeated we retrieved data from his ships. Your brother has been identified on some of the footage we have available."

"That's impossible."

"I would like to review it with you if possible? Just in case."

"Fine."

* * *

By the time the last pained scream faded Thor was feeling sick. In the footage had been the Loki who fell from the Bifrost. Clothes torn, blood and burn marks on his body. Those who had captured him had demanded answers from the Trickster and had used cruel methods to get them. Even once they got their answers they didn't stop. Realising what they had in their grasp they had kept pushing Loki until he agreed to invading Earth.

"He was tortured..." Banner whispered. "Oh my... he was... oh gods..."

"I didn't know", the Thunderer said. "He... he never said anything..."

"But... isn't that how he is?"

"As long as he got a trial it would have been discovered anyway", Valkyrie said, crossing her arms. "There are several spells used to enforce the truth."

It was like a punch to his gut. Because Thor knew Loki never got a trial and at the time he had not even questioned it. From Brunnhilde's hard expression she understood that her home Realm had failed in this. Her returning was quite remarkable considering how much she seemed to hate Asgard.

Nova Prime nodded to another woman who was dressed in a long, white robe. "We have the results from your brother's examination", the healer said. "There is a drug in his system. We have identified it as Stardust. The concentration is pretty high."

"A drug?" The Thunderer frowned. Especially when Val swore. "You know of it?"

"It is the Grandmaster's favourite drug. As long as you take it nothing happens but when you stop it causes problems. Overwhelming horniness, delirium, and muscle weakness. Making you an easy victim."

"An easy victim for what?"

"Don't be an idiot, you can figure it out. You know what the Grandmaster is like. He loves two things. Fights and sex. With so many working for him it would have been easy for him to put Stardust in everything Lackey ate or drink. The drug it tasteless and doesn't smell anything. He likely never noticed."

It was a second punch to the gut. All this time Thor had thought his brother had escaped Sakaar no worse for wear. And all this time he had been at risk for rape.

"Can the drug be removed?"

"I don't know, Thor. Most people died from the severity of their reactions once the Grandmaster grew bored with them. It would have to depend on how long he was given the drug and how much."

"From what we can tell", the healer said gently, "he will have periods without any symptoms at all and then periods where he is delirious. He will also have moments when he passes out. The last is the most dangerous. He will be very vulnerable during that time and at most risk of getting hurt. It will also cause stress on his body and mind."

"There is nothing you can do?"

"Stardust is a rare drug outside of Sakaar. And there is no telling how his constitution will affect the drug either. I'm sorry but there is really nothing you can do but try to wait it out. Sooner or later it will flush from his system but it is going to take a long time."

"How long are we talking about?"

"Best case scenario? A few years. Worst case scenario? Decades."

A third punch. His brother was going to suffer for years to come. Even though he had already suffered plenty without anyone ever knowing. Thor felt like crying. He was the worst brother.

"Before you leave", the Nova Prime said. "We could outfit you with a bionic eye. If that would be desirable."

The Thunderer hesitated for a moment and then nodded. He could accept their generosity. 


	4. Ambush

They were finally on their way to Earth. The one named Carol had given them a bit of a boost on the way. Literally pushing their ship forward until they reached their original course. She then asked Bruce to give Fury her greetings if she ever saw him. Which he could do of course. 

Shortly thereafter it seemed like Loki lost some of his control over his magic. Items started popping out if nowhere around him. Including, it turned out, the Tesseract. The Trickster only escaped a scolding because he collapsed again just seconds after. Faced with a brother who couldn't do anything to defend himself Thor was forced to keep his temper down. Bruce figured it was better separate them a bit anyway. Other Asgardians took an interest in the things the Raven had carried around. Especially since most of it was books. Many apparently from Asgard's lost libraries. Effectively preserving part of their culture that all had thought gone.

The doctor felt that this was a gross invasion of Loki's privacy but it did have the benefit of making the Aesir less hostile towards their prince. Thankfully the Trickster recovered a great deal not long afterwards. Meaning that the first thing he did was reclaim his things and creatively turn his scolding into him scolding Thor. There was just one little detail...

"You look tense, doctor Banner", the god purred. "I'm sure we can find a way to lossen you up."

"Uh... maybe another time?" A pale hand touched his thigh lightly. 

"Why wait?"

"I... ah... need to... do..." Bruce practically fled the horny god and ran into Val instead. 

"Woah! Watch it!" She glared at him before realising who he was. Then her expression softened. "You really should be more carefully. Most of us could flatten you by accident."

"I will be more careful", he hesitated. "Can I ask you something, about that drug?" Valkyrie looked extremely uncomfortable but nodded. "Should... could... when... when he gets... Er... horny... should we, like, ignore it or let it play out or... I don't know."

"Why do you want to know?"

"I mean, if it is something bad we might need to look out for him or it can become ugly..."

She nodded in understanding. Out of all of them only she had seen the effects of Stardust before. A pretty name for a nasty drug. "At that stage he still have all his wits and only go for sex if he wants it. Back on Sakaar it was usually the moment when the victims wanted sex the least. Regardless of how horny they were. The Grandmaster used to take what he wanted when his victims were too out of it to fight him."

"So, if Loki has sex it is because it is with someone he wants to do it with?"

"In his case, it might as well be someone he views as a convenience. At least that's my impression."

Yeah. That made sense. Loki was also likely to realise the connection between the drug and his state. Meaning he definitely saw Bruce as convenient. A bit hurtful perhaps but not something the doctor actually minded. At least it meant it was consensual. 

"That's good to know. He is probably already feeling a bit bad."

"For someone as proud as him? It has to be humiliating beyond belief." Val shook her head. She wasn't a huge fan of the Trickster but she could see where he was coming from. Meaning that she tolerated him. It probably helped that the god seemed to be slightly in awe of her even if he still messed with her.

A complicated person. God. Whatever.

* * *

He had been so careful. So very careful. Not eating anything first. Never taking a drink offered. Always keeping an eye on those around him. So how had he managed to be drugged? The only explanation was that the Grandmaster had drugged _everything_. Something that unfortunately wasn't unlikely. 

Days had just disappeared. Last thing Loki remembered was talking to Heimdall about their fuel. He knew they had been to Xandar and he could recall a few things in a hazy sort of way. Other than that he remembered nothing. It was terrifying. Not even during the blasted invasion had everything been blank. Just a haze of rage and terror.

At least Thanos was no more. The how and why was unclear but the Trickster didn't care. He did care that apparently Thor had learned the truth of what had happened after his fall.

Trying to read Loki found his mind wandering to fantasies of joining flesh and pleasure. This annoyed him because he knew that big parts of it was because the damn drug. He was going to read. Nothing else. Just reading.

...

Norns be damned! 

Throwing down his book the god got to his feet and left the room he shared with Thor. Passing several Asgardians on his way. They looked at him. Maybe wondering when he would start acting crazy again. Probably judging him. Blaming him. Hating him. It was those looks that made the Trickster seek out the human instead. 

Banner was blessedly alone, inspecting some art piece that had been placed in the forgotten corner. Sneaking up on the mortal Loki covered his eyes and spoke in a low voice in his ear.

"Guess who?" The doctor jumped, colliding with the god's chest. Really, if it wasn't for the fact that he preferred being on the bottom it would have made more sense to reverse the roles. Considering how short the human was.

"Loki!" Banner dodged his arms and clasped his heart. "Why did you do that?"

"Just a bit of fun."

"Very funny. Haha. What do you want?"

"I think you know what I want", Loki purred and walked up close to the other. "Isn't that so... Bruce?"

A shiver went through the man and his pupils dilated. Ah, excellent reaction. Maybe it was the result of the drug or maybe he just wanted some kind of physical connection. Either way, he leaned in and pressed his lips against the very startled human's mouth in an inviting kiss.

Two days later he collapsed again. 

* * *

They were nearing Earth. In fact, they would arrive within a couple of days. Thor looked over his shoulder to where his brother sat. Loki was in a daze and barely reacted to anything. For his own safety he was never left alone. Taking turns Banner, Valkyrie and Heimdall would watch over him together with the Thunderer. Often having to make certain he would eat and drink. It was a small blessing that the Trickster didn't need help using the bathroom. He even sought one out on his own when needed. Unfortunately that didn't extend to him taking a bath. Meaning someone has to wipe him down. Usually Thor himself or Banner. Who was surprisingly helpful in caring for the incapacitated god.

The door opened and their whole little council entered. Holding a tray Val sat it down by the Trickster who didn't seem to notice. It was easy to swallow food and some water. This time the smell of food was enough to arouse Loki who picked up the spoon and began eating. That was a good sign, hopefully. 

"We will arrive soon", Thor said. "Any suggestions where on Earth we should go first?"

"Probably Avengers Compound", Banner said. "Everyone will be there and can help us out. It will also draw the least attention."

"A good plan. Do you think they will accept my brother?" They looked at the Trickster who was slowly emptying his plate. Seemingly unaware of their words.

"We have the footage", the mortal said. "That will go a long way. And once they learn that Loki is sick they shouldn't treat too badly."

"That sounds rather uncertain", Val pointed out. "He is not in a condition where he can be thrown in prison."

"I won't let that happen", Thor growled. "Not a chance."

"I could talk to them first", Banner offered. "Explain what's going on. It should be fine. Steve is a good guy and Tony is intelligent enough to understand the circumstances without having to be told everything."

"Sounds like a solid plan." Looking out the window the king of Asgard just knew everything would work out. Especially once everyone was back together. There wasn't anything the Avengers could face while united.


	5. Operational

It sucked to be Tony Stark.

A few months after the whole debacle with the Accords everything around him just fell apart. It started with loud protests against the Sokovia Accords. Groups all over the world clamouring about them being illegal. Protesting making some Avengers into war criminals because they refused to sign. Then several human rights watch groups revealed that several dictatorships had used the Accords as an excuse to imprison political opponents. Without a trial. Because that was something that the Accords allowed. No proof needed. Human rights lawyers also went out on mass protesting Barton and Lang ending up on house arrest without proper legal representation or procedure. In addition to bringing up those who were on the run.

Then May Parker found out her nephew was Spider-Man and that Tony had endorsed him. She had realised the engineer had brought Peter to Germany without her permission and put him in danger. Only the risk of that would come from exposing the boy's identity kept her from pressing charges. The kid had also begged his aunt to allow him to keep in contact with the billionaire. Reluctantly, very reluctantly, did she agree. So now Peter Parker visited from time to time. 

Which was honest the only human contact Tony had left, sad as it was. Vision, who were not human from the start, had disappeared together with Wanda. And Rhodey had been hit with a severe bout of depression. Even with the braces he still struggled to accept his new circumstances. Then when the push back against the Accords came it got even worse. The last nail in that coffin was when the Accords got repealed. All that conflict for nothing. Him losing the lose of his legs for nothing. Happy was the one to keep an eye on the colonel and help him out.

As for Pepper... When the Accords was repealed she had expected him to welcome the rouge Avengers back with open arms. After a few weeks of him pointedly not reaching out she confronted him. And he finally told her the truth about what had happened in Siberia. She did _not_ take his side.

"So you tried to kill a man you knew had been captured, tortured, brainwashed and falsely accused of a crime he didn't commit. One he at that point risked being executed for, without a trial. You tried to kill that man", she said coldly. 

"He killed my mom! My dad!" Tony said defensively. "And Steve he... he knew!"

"Apparently, so did Natasha. Did they know it was Barnes specifically?"

"Well... Steve said he didn't but...Pepper, Steve he slammed his shield into my chest! And then he left! Only to send me a freaking letter and an ancient phone! Steve lied to me!"

"So this is about Steve. I should have known."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"I'm not blind, Tony. I have known you have a crush on him for years now. The way you were constantly needling him by making comments about his body. The way your eyes would linger. The way you talk about him", the strawberry blonde woman had shook her head. "You are upset Steve chose Barnes over you. Because you know that you went too far."

Tony stared at her. Speechless. He did _not_ have a crush on Steve. Just because the soldier had some of the most gorgeous blue eyes the engineer had ever seen or a really nice ass didn't mean he had a crush! That was ridiculous! Why would he want to be held in those strong arms or lean against that broad chest that seemed so huggable. 

Pepper just looked at him flatly. She then removed her engagement ring from a finger and placed it on the table. "We are done", she said.

It was like a bucket of ice cold water had been dumped on him. "If you think I have a crush on Steve, why did you agree to marry me in the first place?" He asked.

"Because I foolishly thought you had finally sorted out your feelings and decided what you wanted. Clearly I was wrong. Call him or don't call him, Tony. But at least be honest with yourself."

He had not seen her in person since. 

Afterwards he pondered her words and accidentally walked into Steve's room. It was messy. As if the blond had just stepped out and would be back any minute. Some clothes were strewn about. Probably from the soldier packing a bag hastily to go to the funeral. Man... Tony had been such an ass hadn't he. His friend had just lost someone and he couldn't do anything but harp on the guy and throw him under the bus.

There had been a lingering scent in the air that he associated with Steve. Lying down on the bed he had found himself lost in a daydream about a certain super soldier doing some very naughty things to him. Without thinking he had reached into his pants and started jerking off. It was only as he came down from his orgasm that he realised what he had done. After that he avoided the room but his wet dreams haunted him anyway. 

It sucked to be Tony Stark. 

* * *

_"Boss_ _"_ , FRIDAY said one afternoon. 

"Yes?"

_"There seems to be a spaceship entering the atmosphere and heading towards the Compound."_

"What?!" Calling his armour Tony ran through the corridors until he had enough space to activate the thrusters. Then he flew to the nearest exit just in time for a gigantic spaceship to land. In the middle of it a section opened and was lowered. Prepared for literally anything except who came out the engineer couldn't believe his eyes. Walking out was none other than Bruce Banner.

"Bruce?"

"Hi Tony. You are looking good."

"What are you doing on a spaceship?!"

"It is a bit of a long story... where is everyone? I was kind of expecting to see all of you."

"We really have a lot to catch up on... let's just say that the Avengers has broken up."

"Broken up? Like a boyband?" The doctor bit his lower lip. "This complicates things..."

"Bruce, what is going on?" Before his friend could answer there were the stomping of heavy footsteps and Thor burst out of the ship. At least Tony assumed it was Thor. The Thunderer had apparently cut his hair and he had a nasty scar over one eye. He was also carrying someone. Someone familiar. "Isn't he supposed to be dead?"

Bruce turned frantically towards the god. "You were supposed to wait until I had a chance to tell him..."

"I know but my brother..."

Tony looked to the body held in the thick arms. Loki was clearly unconscious. His head lolled backwards and he was horribly pale. A thin layer of sweat covered him and he was struggling to breathe. The scientist looked at the engineer. Clearly struggling with what to do. 

"I know you don't like him but... he is harmless right now and... a lot has happened and he needs help..."

"Sounds and looks like it", the billionaire said. He noted that the Trickster wore less clothes than usual, making him look much thinner than he remembered the god.

"Stark", Thor said and adjusted his hold on his brother. "I know Loki has harmed this world but before coming here we learned that his actions back then was not entirely his own."

"Who are 'we'?"

"What is left of Asgard. The Realm Eternal is no more."

"Okay... sounds like we will need a long conversation very soon. But let's get your bro situated first. What does he needs?"

"The infirmary should do it for now", Bruce said. "As long as we use cameras to keep an eye on him."

"You think he is faking?" 

"No, it is to protect _him_."

The world was really upside down lately...


	6. Vanguard

"So let me get this straight", Tony sipped his scotch and eyed the other two. "You have an evil older sister..."

"Had..." Thor muttered.

"...who was a megalomaniac bent on going on a rampage across the galaxy. Geez, you are really unlucky in the siblings department aren't you?" Turning to Bruce he took another sip. "In the meanwhile _you_ have spent the last couple of years as the Hulk, fighting for some kind of maniac?"

"Pretty much, yes", his science bro admitted. "I don't remember much of it."

"Right. So, Thor finds you and together you go to defeat your evil sister which leads to destroying Asgard. Overkill much?"

"We didn't have any other choice", the Thunderer said. "She drew her power from the Realm itself. It was the only way to defeat her."

"Alright. Where comes Reindeer Games in all this? I thought he was dead."

"So did I. My brother usurped our father and took his visage ruling in his stead. But it was thanks to Loki we managed to escape and then defeat her. I won't pretend my brother doesn't have issues but he isn't evil."

"Uh huh. So what's wrong with him?" The engineer looked over his shoulder. Loki had been out of it for several hours by now. Utterly unresponsive. Both Thor and Bruce looked uncomfortable. "Fine, don't tell me. But he will be confined to the Compound for now."

"That's probably for the best", the big blond said. "Just make certain that he is safe."

"Whatever."

"So what happened here?" His science bro scratched his chin. "The Avengers broke up? And now there is only you here. What happened Tony?"

Well, it was only fair wasn't it. They had told him their story. Kind of. There were still a lot of questions. But fair is fair. So, he told them. Including the events in Siberia and then the fallout. By the time he was finished Bruce had an expression of rage on his face.

"Ross", he said coldly. "The same Ross that first tricked me and then haunted me down like an animal? That was behind the creation of the Abomination. Who you yourself hated. That Ross?"

"Yes?" Tony said in a whimper. Honestly he was quite amazed that the other wasn't Hulking out. He looked like he should be. The doctor shook his head.

"Why do you do this to yourself, Tony?"

"What?"

"You keep pushing people away and not listening when they tell you something. It was the same with Ultron. We were lucky with Vision but even he is going rogue now. You do all these things, then you are filled with guilt. So, you try to compensate. Only you go too far in the other direction."

The engineer felt very called out. Unfortunately for him his friend had a point. He had caused all of his own problems and then pushed everyone else away because of it.

"Tony?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm not saying that you are to blame for everything. Just that you never stop to think and as a result people tend to get hurt. Including yourself."

Wasn't that the truth.

* * *

Blinking Loki stared up at the unfamiliar ceiling. He felt weak. Slowly he sat up and looked around. He was in some kind of infirmary. Going by the technology they were on Earth. And he didn't remember. He hated this weakness.

Getting to his feet he couldn't muster more than a shuffle. Sweat still clung to his skin. Making him shiver. Usually the cold didn't bother him but now he couldn't help but to feel it. Keeping a hand against the wall he looked for his brother's familiar signature, moving towards it. He heard Thor before he saw him. The booming voice made it easy. What he had expected was the full force of the Avengers all turning their weapons on him as soon as they saw him. Instead he only saw Stark in addition to Thor and Banner.

"Brother!" The Thunderer's loud rumble caused a feeling of blades cutting through the Trickster's head. Groaning he covered his eyes with one hand.

"You are too loud..." A hand on his shoulder made him recoil and snatch his hand away from his face. Banner held up hands in a placating manner.

"Do you feel better?"

"Better is subjective."

"True", the doctor made a small smile. "Want anything to eat? Anything to drink?"

The thought of either made Loki feel like throwing up. "All I need is a shower."

"Down the hall to the left", Stark said. "You can't miss it. I don't have any clothes for you though."

"I can make my own."

"Is that wise, brother? Your magic..."

"Is completely fine, Thor. Stop hovering so."

"Touchy", the inventor said. "Just so you know, you are not allowed outside of the Compound right now."

"I'd like to see you stop me from leaving."

"Loki..." Thor said ominously. 

"Or what Thor? What more can be done to me?"

"A lot", Banner said softly. "We are not trying to punish you. I promise."

"I don't believe in promises", Loki hissed. "Not anymore. But fine. I will play nice."

"That's all we ask."

The Trickster refused any help and made his way to the bathroom. He had to admit. Taking a proper shower felt pretty great.

* * *

A week later Thor and Bruce left to relocate the Asgardians in Norway. Leaving Tony alone with Loki. Who wasn't the most pleasant company. Short tempered and prissy. Constantly throwing hissed fits. Granted, the engineer definitely needled the Trickster into these moods. They spent three whole days just making passive aggressive remarks to one another. 

Maybe the god missed his primary target. Who apparently was Bruce. Because Loki would go to the doctor's room at night and not come back out until almost an hour later. Tony had offered his friend some extra security once he discovered this but the other had just waved him away.

This was the fourth day, Thor and company was scheduled to return in just a couple of hours. Feeling his stomach starting to grumble the engineer put down his tablet and turned to his reluctant guest. 

"I'm starting to get hungry. Want pizza?" There was no answer. "Reindeer? Loki?" Standing up Tony approached the god. "Hey, do you want pizza? It is a simple question. Yes or no."

Loki seemed lost in thought and wasn't looking at the billionaire. When Tony touched his shoulder he suddenly looked at the engineer.

"O that this too too solid flesh would melt, thaw, and resolve itself into a dew!" The god said and rose suddenly. Forcing the puny human to back away.

"Erm... Reindeer Games?"

"Or that the Everlasting had not fix'd his canon 'gainst self-slaughter! O God! God!" Loki spoke while walking up to Tony who backed away until he found himself with his back against the wall. The engineer was starting to feel a sense of panic.

"Look, when I said Shakespeare in the park I didn't mean _actually_ Shakespeare..."

"How weary, stale, flat, and unprofitable seem to me all the uses of this world!" The Trickster placed a hand on the wall by Tony's head. Leaning in closer he kept talking. "Fie on't! ah, fie! 'Tis an unweeded garden that grows to seed; things rank and gross in nature possess it merely. That it should come to this!" 

With Loki's lips inches from his own Tony admittedly panicked. Calling a gauntlet to his hand he used the taser function and slammed his arm against the god's body. Causing him to back away but also to convulse before collapsing in a heap on the floor. Unconscious. 

Sliding down the wall the engineer was breathing harshly. Legs giving out. He had been in some pretty bad situations but what had just happened still made him feel weak. Heart beating so hard it hurt. The worst thing was that he actually had no idea what just had happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "The stuff Loki says is from a monologue in Hamlet by Shakespeare


	7. Escalade

When they got a message from Tony telling them to not take any detours Bruce had already become worried. He did not expect to walk into the kitchen and find Loki collapsed on the floor while the engineer was sitting only a shirt distance away. Rushing forward he first checked the Trickster's pulse. Thankfully it was steady but the intense fever was back.

"What happened? And why didn't you help him?" The doctor demanded of his friend. "This is very dangerous!"

"Oh, it was dangerous alright", the inventor muttered. "For _me_."

"Thor, take him to the infirmary. Try to keep him cool." Nodding the Thunderer scooped up his brother and carried him away. "Tony..."

"What? No, seriously, what? One second I'm asking him if he wants pizza and the next he is reciting Shakespeare. I thought that he was going to kiss me! Can you imagine kissing Loki?"

He could actually. Since the god had kissed him a few times it was very easy to imagine. But Tony didn't need to know that.

"He was harmless. You don't know..."

"How could I know? None of you have bothered to tell me anything!" Bruce could see that the engineer was fuming and genuinely confused. He and Thor had been reluctant to say anything because both knew Loki hated anyone knowing. But that wasn't an option.

"Loki... he... he has been drugged."

"Drugged? What do you mean drugged? Like going on a trip high kind of drugged? Would that even work on a god?"

"More like a galactic version of a date rape drug." The engineer whistled and understanding dawned on his face. "Remember that maniac I was telling you about? He managed to feed this drug to Loki when he was on Sakaar. Only, the effect only starts when you stop taking it. So once we left..."

"He got smashed."

"That's one way to put it... when he lose consciousness he is completely defenceless."

"That's usually the case, you know."

"Maybe normally but we are talking about a god. Or at least someone with godly abilities."

"Alright, I give you that. He collapses. Is there anything else?"

"He basically becomes catatonic. He can do some things on his own but is unresponsive. Once he recovers he can't recall anything before becoming delirious."

"Man... that has to suck... wait, so he has no recollection of you guys arriving here?"

"None. That's why he was so agitated when you first saw him awake."

Tony was quiet for a long moment. Getting to his feet. "That's explains a lot certainly", he said. "Like why you two were so concerned with his safety. Is there anything else I should know?"

Bruce hesitated but decided he might as well. "Before coming to Earth we went to another planet so that Loki could be examined. They had just been in battle against someone who killed billions if not trillions."

"The universe is a scary place", the engineer muttered and poured himself a drink. "So? What has this got to do with Antlers?"

"He was tortured." Tony's drink spilled all over the man's shirt but he didn't seem to notice. Instead he looked at the doctor with wide eyes. "They had footage. It was..."

"How bad?"

"..."

"That bad..." the inventor slumped and flooped down on a bar stool. "Fuck my life."

* * *

He got to see firsthand how badly this crazy drug affected the god of mischief. Once the guy regained consciousness he was still completely out of it. Taking a piss was about the only thing he didn't need help with. Between them Thor and Bruce took care of most of it but once the Thunderer was needed in New Asgard a scary lady took his place. She bullied Tony into helping out.

"Who does she think she is?" He muttered while placing a fork in Loki's hand. Hoping the guy would eat on his own. That happened sometimes. 

"She is Valkyrie."

"Like bringing dead warriors to Valhalla?"

"I don't think she does that but both Thor and Loki are in awe of her. Just don't show her your alcohol collection."

"Asgardians sounds like they could all use some serious counselling."

"Coming from you, that says a lot."

"Right?" Tony noticed that the Trickster was holding the fork but not using it. Sighing he plucked it and started handfeeding the god. Man, it had to be humiliating knowing this happened but not be able to remember. 

Bruce came over with a pill and a glass of water. "We need to get his fever down."

"Will that even work?"

"Hopefully a little."

"You know, I'm surprised you can help him like this."

"Hmm?"

"You know, because he messes with you every night. Well, when he is not impersonating a carrot. "

"Oh. Oh! No, no that's... we... he.. it's just... talking." Tony raised an eyebrow at his science bro's flustered behaviour. Then he shrugged. It wasn't exactly anything new. The doctor took charge of their patient and guided him to his room.

After eating his own dinner the engineer started to make his way down the hall. He was reading an article on his phone and didn't realise he had opened the wrong door until an achingly familiar scent washed over him. It was Steve's room. Slamming the door shut the inventor ran to his own room. Throwing his phone onto the bed he tore off his clothes and jumped into the shower. For so long he had avoided thinking about the soldier. Pretended that the stupid flip phone didn't exist. Yet it only took one waft of Steve's scent and he was a goner.

Palming himself Tony pictured the blond. Those blue eyes, those thick arms and strong abs. The gentle smile and soft eyes. He could almost hear the vibrations from that warm, deep voice. Recalling when Steve had called his name. The good times.

Shuddering he let the orgasm hit. Immediately shame and anger washed over him. Why did he have to react like this to the mere _scent_ of the man? Why, oh why, couldn't he hate him?


	8. Defilade

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for a potential trigger later in this chapter. Please keep the tags in mind.

_"Now onto the news. A large spaceship was spotted over Avengers Compound two weeks ago. It has since been confirmed to have been the arrival of Thor._ "

Steve paused with his shirt in his hands. Putting it down he increased the volume of the small TV sitting on the bench of the motel room.

_"According to a statement from Tony Stark the spaceship contained what is left of Asgard after an internal conflict caused the alien planet's destruction. Norway has granted the Asgardian refugees land to settle on, calling this New Asgard. At the moment there are very little news on how many refugees there are and how they plan to integrate with Earth."_

The news anchor kept talking about Thor's earlier visits and the potential impact he would have on the remnants of the Avengers. Sighing the soldier finally put on his shirt. It had been very little comfort to him that the Accords had been voided. There was still no way for him to return. For all he knew, he was considered a fugitive even now. That wasn't what kept him away though. Almost two years since the so-called Civil War that tore them all apart. Two years since he left Tony without a functioning suit back in Siberia.

He still had nightmares about it. But what was he supposed to do in that moment? There was no way he could have let the engineer kill Bucky. And there had been no way of talking him down. He had tried! 

Well... he should have told the truth early on. Long before then. Not that he had known it was Bucky who had pulled the trigger. Only that it had been Hydra.

A knock came on his door and he tensed.

"Better hurry up, Cap", Sam's voice came. "We don't want to miss them."

"I will be right there." Steve put on his tactical gear and pocketed his phone. It didn't matter that there had been nothing for months. When the call came, he would be there.

* * *

Holding the black hair out of the way was really the only thing Bruce could do at the moment. No sooner had Loki woken from his catatonic state before he was throwing up. It sounded painful. Normally it was unlikely that anyone would have been allowed to see the god like this. But it seemed that the Trickster had decided that the human was safe. Safer was probably more accurate.

Pushing away from the toilet Loki leaned against the wall. Deftly Bruce closed the lids and flushed. He then washed his hands and poured a glass of water.

"Am I that dirty?" The Raven asked in a thick, tired voice.

"What?"

"You touch me and then have to wash your hands?"

"Oh! No, it was because I touched the toilet. Old habits. Best to avoid spreading germs and all that." He offered the water and the Trickster drank slowly. "Do you want to take a shower?"

"What does it matter? It is not like it will change anything."

"It will make you feel better."

"Do you intend to take one with me then, Doctor Banner?"

"If you want." Bruce was starting to realise that to Loki, sex was just an expression of his need for touch. He couldn't make himself ask for platonic touch. With sex he could pretend it was only about pleasure. But the god wouldn't have asked if he somewhere didn't long for some comfort. So, the scientist helped the Trickster to his feet and they both undressed. Taking turns washing the other. The Raven was surprisingly gentle. Even if he towered over the doctor.

By the time they were done Loki seemed to be feeling better. Since he decided to tackle Bruce to the bed with a searing kiss. Rolling them so that he was on his back and the human on top.

"Are you sure you don't want it the other way around?" The doctor asked.

"I'm not in the mood to be riding you", the god said and pulled him down a little, licking and kissing Bruce's neck.

"I mean, are you sure you don't want to top?" Rolling his eyes the Trickster kept sucking on a specific spot.

"If I wanted that I would have already done so. What? You got a problem with me being on the bottom?"

"No, not at all. Just making certain."

"Then stop talking and start doing."

He had tried. And if Loki was happy with it why argue about it, right? Tentatively Bruce bent down and placed a kiss on the god's lips. When the kiss was answered he felt encouraged to keep it up. Caressing pale, smooth, skin. Due to being shorter he could barely reach those tantalising lips once he had pushed inside. But he tried. After a few attempts the Trickster rolled his eyes and sat up. The position allowing them to exchange kisses more easily. 

"My pocket sized mortal", he teased against the doctor's jaw. Fingers in the short brown hair. Grinding down on Bruce's member. "But not so small where it counts, eh?"

"Mmm... ah.. ngjkk", the scientist was past words. Just lost in pleasure. For some reason Loki seemed to find this tendency both funny and adorable. 

They climaxed in unison, mostly thanks to the god who cleaned them with a wave. Bruce had assumed he would be kicked out of the Trickster's bed. Instead he was captured by strong arms that refused to let go. Meaning he was being spooned by the god of mischief. Looking over his shoulder he noticed something haunted in those green eyes. Sensing that there was something deeper that was troubling the other the scientist settled down and let himself be spooned. If it offered some comfort he had no problem allowing it.

* * *

"Er... Thor?" Tony said, watching the scene with a queasy stomach. 

"Yes?"

"Shouldn't you, like, do anything about that?"

Thor looked over his shoulder to his brother. Sitting on an ottoman Loki was dragging a sharp knife or dagger across his arm. Drawing blood. It wasn't shallow cuts either. Yet the Thunderer just shrugged and went back to his breakfast. 

"He does that sometimes", the big blond said. "Worry not my friend. He heals quickly."

"...is this something new? That came with the drug?"

"Nay, friend. Loki has had this habit for many centuries now. It means he is sulking."

It didn't look like the Trickster was sulking. Rather, it looked like he was cutting himself instead of crying. Distress visible on his face as he let the blade dig into his own arm. This wasn't healthy behaviour. What really got to the engineer was that this had been ongoing for hundreds of years. How much had Loki struggled mentally without anyone bothering to see it? To help him?

While he did want to help the dark god the inventor wasn't about to approach the guy while he was holding a sharp blade. It was just as likely to be used on him. So he felt a huge amount of relief when Bruce stepped in. His science bro knelt by the Trickster's side and carefully took hold of the hand with the knife. Dagger. Sharp weapon.

"It's okay. You are not alone. You are not alone", the man said softly in a kind voice. "Will you let me bandage those?"

Looking down on his wrist Loki seemed to see the cuts for the first time. He nodded and sat still as his arm were cleaned and covered with bandages. 

"There you go. Maybe some fresh air would do you good. Tony, is there a patio or something here?"

Nodding the engineer stood and gestured. "This way." It wasn't a warm day but it was sunny. The god breathed in the air and laid down on one of the outdoor sofas. "FRIDAY, alert us if necessary."

_"Sure thing, boss._ _"_

The two humans left the god alone. Walking towards one of the labs. Passing empty rooms along the way.

"Asgard is seriously messed up. Loki is self harming and Thor doesn't care", Tony said, shaking his head. "No wonder he snapped." By now he had been told of the events leading up to the Trickster being tortured. It had not been pretty.

"He is not really welcome among his own people so I bet he is very lonely", Bruce said and fingered a wristband of leather. 

"I've been meaning to ask. What's up with the accessory? I didn't think you wear any."

"This... Loki made it for me actually", the scientist said. "It allows me to control my transformations completely."

"You mean it stops you." This was Loki they were talking about, after all.

"I mean I can control it. We tested it when we went to New Asgard." Bruce spoke firmly and tugged on his shirt in emphasis. Exposing a bruise on his neck. 

"That's a big mark. How did you manage... to... that's a hickey. How did you get a hickey?"

"Tony..."

"No more Hulk-outs in bed so someone who knows that. Definitely not Thor and that scary lady is in Norway right now... Holy Screwdriver! You are having sex with Loki!"

Bruce glared at him. "So what if I am? I don't see how it is any of your business."

"Woah, woah. This is Loki we are talking about! He has to be nightmare in bed!"

"He is lonely and longs for some physical contact! Is that so hard to believe?"

"Of course it is! This is _Loki_! He probably thrive on the tears of his victims!" Tony had gone to far. He knew that immediately. Bruce had stopped and was looking at him in disgust. 

"And you wonder what would drive him to self-harm." Turning on his heels the scientist walked away in the direction they had come from.

"Bruce! Wait! I'm sorry! I didn't..." but his friend was already out of sight. Feeling like a complete asshole the engineer shuffled down to his workshop. Why did he mess up everything he touched lately? 


	9. Sortie

After leaving Tony, pointedly ignoring the man's pleads, Bruce headed back to where they had left the Trickster. What he didn't expect was to see signs that Loki had been crying. It had seemed out of character for the god. Yet there he was. Red, puffy eyes and that exhaust look you had after crying your heart out. Maybe it wasn't so out of character for him to cry only when he was alone.

"Hey", the doctor said gently. "Mind if I sit?" Curling up a bit the Raven opened up space near his head. Careful to not sit on the black hair Bruce sat down. They were quiet for a while. Shivering the scientist wished he had thought of bringing a blanket or something. 

"Do you feel cold? We could go inside if you want", he suggested. 

"I don't feel cold. I never feel cold", Loki muttered. He did summon, or conjure, a fairly thick blanket for the doctor. With arms. "How could I get cold? I'm a disgusting Frost Giant."

Without thinking Bruce began petting the black hair soothingly. It was surprisingly silky and soft. The curls giving way easily. There was a lot in that statement. "I thought you were Jotun? That's what Heimdall told me."

"Same thing, different words..." the god somehow crawled a bit and plopped his head down on the scientist's lap. Assuming that this meant the Trickster enjoyed the casual touch Bruce kept petting Loki's hair. "When we grew up, Father would tell us about how he defeated the evil Frost Giants. Thor would brag about how he would kill them all. While Odin cautioned against seeking out war, he never said anything about Thor's dim-witted promises of genocide. Even while knowing he was raising one himself."

"That's... that's horrible... I'm so sorry you had to experience that."

The god turned a bit to look at him. One eyebrow raised. "Why would you apologise for that? You were not even born and certainly not responsible."

"True but sometimes people need to hear it anyway. To know that they are not at fault."

"Hmm..." 

Now cozy in the blanket Bruce felt pretty good sitting in the sunlight. After a little while Loki rolled so that his back was to the world. And his face almost pressed against the human. Who didn't mind in the slightest. He just kept stroking the black locks and enjoy the quiet.

* * *

Spinning on his chair Tony tried to think. Or was it avoid thinking? He had forgot. Once his science bro marched away he had headed to the workshop instead of a lab. But any urge to do anything had just evaporated. Sighing he stopped his spinning - he was getting dizzy - and almost slammed himself down on the workbench.

What was wrong with him? Why did he have to go alinate everyone around him like this? It wasn't any of his business if Bruce was sleeping with a man that was more or less innocent. He had seen the footage. Seen it and forwarded it to his lawyers. Just like he had found footage of Barnes in the hands of Hydra. Fuck his life.

His hand brushed something and he looked up. It was the burner phone. The freaking flip phone from the wrong side of the decade. He kept it charged. Always did. Had even made a battery that would last much, much longer. Opening it he went to contacts by habit. Looking at the single entry. _Steve_. That was all that was written. Maybe things would have been different if he had been more open with Steve. Dropping the phone it spun so that he couldn't see the screen. Sitting up enough to rest his head in his hand. 

"Hi Asshole", he said to the room at large. "It has been a while, huh? Turns out you were right. The Accords was a terrible idea. Should have know, right? Pepper broke up with me. Been a few months now. Don't know where Vision went. Rhodey don't want to see me right now. But hey, at least Thor is back! Did you know that? Has been all over the news! He didn't come alone though. Can you imagine that he ran into Bruce on an alien planet? Yeah, crazy right. But that's not all. Turns out Loki is alive. Still a bastard but... not quite the villain we thought he was. The bastard was tortured into compliance and now he has been drugged with some crazy space drug. I think..."

Tony wiped his cheeks and tried to take a deep breath.

"Fuck... I miss you. You lied to me and I miss you. Your scent alone is enough the send me into the shower so that I can jerk off. Pepper was right. Of course she was right. I have been in love with you for years and not realised it. I have wanted you for so long and didn't see it. Even now, even though I should hate you. All I want is to see you again. Be with you. I'm such a fucking mess. I hate this. I hate my life. All I do is destroy. And here I am talking to someone who can't even hear me. I just wish I could see you again, Asshole."

More tears were threatening to call. Annoyed with himself Tony slammed shut the phone. Fuck his life...

* * *

Lowering the phone Steve stared at it. He had been surprised when the call came and had expected bad news. It took him a few seconds to realise that Tony had not called on purpose. That the engineer was so lonely that he was having a conversation with himself. 

There was no way to mistake the meaning of those words. Of what had been said. Closing the phone he knew what he had to do.

* * *

Once the sun started going down Bruce convinced Loki that they could go inside. The god didn't want to see anyone else and crawled into bed instead. Heading to the kitchen the doctor started making sandwiches and hot cocoa. He had found a bar of chocolate in the fridge earlier. Heavy footsteps alerting him to who was about to be his company. Thor looked tired and sat down heavily on a barstool. 

"You okay?"

"There are conflicts among my people and between my people and locals. I will need to leave for New Asgard this evening. I never knew ruling could be so hard."

"You will get the hang of it. Will Val come over here then?"

"Nay... she is needed where she is. I don't want to ask but about Loki..."

"I will look after him. Anything you can tell me about his physiology would help though."

"I know very little of the Frost Giants. I tried finding out more after I learned the truth of his parentage during the time I thought him dead. But there wasn't anything beyond children's stories painting them as monsters."

Bruce felt a heaviness in his stomach. Poor Loki. No wonder he had become so messed up. And on top of that he had to deal with a drug that was designed to leave him defenseless. 

"Thor... can't you see how that would affect him negatively? Once he learned of his true identity? If all he had heard was that his race is monsters, how was he supposed to see himself as anything else?"

The Thunderer frowned and rubbed his hands together. "I... had not thought about that... there might be some among my people who have knowledge of the Frost Giants. I will ask them."

"Do that..." Bruce hesitated but decided he wanted to know. "How do Asgard view same-sex relationships?"

"Are you talking about my brother?"

"Why would you assume that?"

"My brother has always had a certain taste for men. I would assume he would have found someone who can entertain him."

That was true, in a way... but...

"So, Asgard has nothing against this? They have no issue with same-sex relationships?"

"Not really. I can't say it has ever been among my interests but Asgard view all intimate relationships as a private business. Who you are doing what with matters not. As long as all involved are in agreement, of course."

"I understand. That's nice." Placing the two cups of hot chocolate and the sandwiches on a tray he made to walk away.

"You won't eat here?" Thor said, surprised. Then he nodded. "Ah, Stark. Of course. Up to his usual routine I see."

Humming without commenting Bruce didn't sat anything. He didn't really want to tell the Thunderer that he was in a sexual relationship with his little brother. That was not a conversation anyone needed right now.


	10. Shield Wall

With Thor gone Loki didn't exactly mellow out but he was noticeable less tense. Maybe it was because Tony now knew but he and Bruce would often sit together on the sofa. That is to say, the scientist would sit down first and then the Trickster would come and sit down beside him. Leaning against him and being kind of clingy. Which was an interesting sight.

At the moment though Banner had managed to get some distance between himself and the god. Something Tony jumped at. Leaning over the counter he half hissed half whispered to his science bro.

"So, when you turn into the Hulk now, what is it like?"

"Once Hulk is out he is Hulk. The difference is that I can make the choice", the doctor said and sipped his coffee. "Other than that, it is pretty much the same as always."

"How come you didn't test it here?"

Bruce gave him a very flat look. "Because here is someone who has trauma response to the mere mentioning of Hulk. Who at the moment is particularly vulnerable and could very well be pushed into more self-harm."

"But you two are, you know, playing hide the zucchini."

"You can just call it sex, Tony. Sometimes the mind does weird things. Me as Banner and me as Hulk is separate to him. He can handle one but not the other. If he wasn't so vulnerable we could perhaps work on it."

"Is he really that vulnerable?"

"Say I turn into the Hulk and he has an episode. Then what?"

Okay, that was a good point. Hulk were many things but he wasn't exactly known to be gentle. A Loki who is spouting Shakespeare before fainting was probably not a good match for Jolly Green. 

Speaking of whom...

"You okay there, Lokes?" Tony called. The god had sat up instead of lying down and had started to look kind of green.

"No", was all that came out and it was chocked. Bruce was immediately in motion, helping the Trickster to the closest bathroom where he promptly threw up. Knowing how awful that felt the engineer poured at a glass of soda and stirred it, getting rid of the bubbles. He then brought it to a shaking Loki.

"Here, thus will help", he said. Of course the jackass would eye it suspiciously first but he still drank it in the end.

"You are getting another fever", Banner said, frowning in concern. The god started shaking even more, tears forming in his eyes.

"No..." he whimpered. "No... I can't loose more time... I... I..." and just like that the god of mischief was having a panic attack. Tony knew it was kind of mean of him but he couldn't handle it. If he watched, _he_ would have a panic attack too. Well, apparently his Science bro was enough. Holding the Trickster tightly and whisper soothingly. Considering Loki's death grip on the doctor's clothes there wasn't really an option.

And he did look like he was coming down with something. A bit more pale, the shivers and cold sweat. The engineer could understand why the god was panicking. Already he had lost time, days he couldn't remember. It had to be absolutely terrifying. Even so he slowly calmed down enough that Bruce could guide him away. Presumably to tuck him into bed. Maybe thirty minutes later the scientist came back only to heat up some soup.

"Is he doing okay?" Tony asked. 

"He is still conscious so that's a good thing. I think this is just stress in combination with exhaustion. During his catatonia he barely sleeps so it is catching up on him."

"Man... the guy is really unlucky. Good thing he has you, eh?"

"So no more 'nightmare in bed?" Bruce asked with some sarcasm. 

"To be honest I still think that's really weird but... I shouldn't have said that."

"At least you acknowledge it."

"Sooo... what is it like? Sleeping with Reindeer Games?"

"This is really inappropriate, Tony."

"Come on", the engineer shoulder bumped the other. "He has to be hung like a horse. Doesn't it hurt?"

Shaking his head Bruce added some bread to the tray. "If you have to know, I'm not on the bottom. I offered but Loki made it very clear what he prefers."

"Loki is a _bottom_?! I took him for a top exclusive."

"Well, you were wrong. Not everyone is the same as you." The doctor took the tray and left. Scratching his chin Tony pondered. He had been with a few men in his life, usually as the top. But the thought of one man in particular had him wanting something different. Not like that would ever happen. 

* * *

Evening was falling rapidly outside. Bruce had stayed with Loki most of the day. After a while the god had started to talk. Telling stories from his childhood and early adulthood. It was a bit of a surprise to learn that the Trickster was considered young according to Asgard. There had been quite a few stories of Thor placing himself in trouble and having to be saved. They had laughed quite a bit. 

The fever had broken only a few minutes ago but Loki insisted that the doctor would stay. Which wasn't a problem. As they drifted of to sleep Bruce told a few stories of his own. Of sillier days. More quiet days. It was a pretty good way to end the day. 

* * *

He startled awake from a nightmare only to become aware that there was someone in his room. Going completely still he tried to keep his breathing even. Feigning sleep. There was a rustle and then a click. Soft light chased away some of the darkness. Utterly confused the engineer rolled to see who was creeping on him.

Only to sit up straight. 

"How the fuck did you get in?!" 

"FRIDAY let me in", Steve said. Because that was who was in his room. Sitting on a chair wearing a brown leather jacket and some jeans. Looking tired. 

Steve was in the Compound. In his room. Real and alive.

"Then _why_ are you here?"

"I heard you."

"What..."

"I heard you. Over the phone." Over the... _what?_ "I realise you didn't mean to call but... I heard you."

"You..." remembering some of the things he had said Tony found himself blushing. He never blushed! "Oh..."

"I have been thinking a lot and... I'm sorry. Words can't make up for what I did but..."

"Stop. Okay, just stop. We were both wrong. I can accept that." And Steve just smiled. That soft, gentle smile of his. He made to reach out but stopped. Shifted and made to stand up. "Wait!"

The soldier stilled and eyed him uncertainly. "Tony I..."

"You heard me, right?"

"Yes?"

"Then you also heard... that?"

If the blond's expression had been soft before it became even softer now. "I heard", he confirmed.

"Then... what... you..." tongue-tied. Of all the times to become tongue-tied. Yet to his amazement Steve stood and closed the small gap that remained. Warm hand cradling the engineer's face.

"Back in my days, it was illegal for two men to be together", he said. "After the ice I was happy that was no longer the case but when it comes to myself... I have struggled to change my mindset."

Was Tony hearing what he thought he was hearing? Could this be real? As the soldier bent down slowly he kept thinking it was just a dream and then their lips met. It was unreal. All those daydreams and now this. They parted and immediately the engineer wished for more.

"It is pretty late..." the blond said. "I should head to bed, we can talk properly in the morning."

"You can sleep here", the words was out before he had time to think. But as soon as they were out he would take them back no matter what. Steve hesitated. 

"Are you sure?"

"Completely. Please..."

Steve nodded and undressed until he was only wearing a pair of underwear and his t-shirt. He then rounded the bed and crawled inside. Rolling again Tony snuggled up to the soldier. Clearly startling him. Hesitantly the other placed an arm around him and... he just relaxed. Feeling safe and warm. Breathing in the engineer felt that scent just envelope him.

"So", that warm voice said in his ear. "Loki, huh?"

"Yup. Guy's a bastard but... it turns out that he has his reasons. He is not able to cause any trouble right now anyway." Snuggling even closer Tony felt himself starting to fall asleep. Even dozing off he felt soft lips against his forehead. What a pair of idiots they were. Pining on their own for years without realising or saying anything. They needed to have a long conversation but for now, for now they were good.


End file.
